the happy cactus

Starting a blog has always been a long ago dream. I have finally taken a leap off the platform of comfort and security into the looming depths of an overcrowded online journaling landscape. I do feel a tad apprehensive coupled with readiness to fail forward; at least I am taking that first small movement and stepping out of my comfort zone. After all, I am a middle aged woman entering into the ‘crone’ era of my life. Ugh…middle aged… it sounds so crusty and I immediately think of Aunty Lucy with her blue rinse hair, styled perfectly as she faffed about in her sitting room pouring tea in her most unusual manner. I loved my Aunty Lucy and have many a fond memory of her and my grandad. They were special friends…

Soon to be fifty, I’m at a weird time in my life when I’ve reached a point of “what now? Is this it? Do I continue to plough forward doing the same thing/s day after day, week after week, month after month?” Flip no! I refuse to fade silently into the twilight years of my life, slowly wilting into obscurity from the monotony of a job that has worn me down mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. There is more. There has to be. Life does not come with blueprints, instructions or a how to guide. Truly living in each moment can be so cliche but it is actually true; we only get one shot at it – and I plan to consciously invest my entire being in making each minute, day, week, month, year count.

Hence why I have just done it. First post completed. I have been mulling it over for more time than I should have. As my son says when the moment passes – ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda, didn’t’.

Is it scary? Heck yes! Will I continue? Chaarr!!

Not sure where this will lead, and to be frank, I don’t actually care.

Living with regret/s is tougher than taking that chance to step out into the wide blue wondrous world. I am proud and somewhat joyous of my little old self for having the courage to just do it rather than just dream about it.

Bring on the crone-age and may it be peppered with freedom, truth and authenticity. Cheers to new beginnings!