the happy cactus

Ever hear a word in a sentence that jumps out at you and initiates a tangent into deeper thinking about life?

When I heard the word privilege recently, something resonated in my soul. Something deep down sparked inside me, and it got me thinking. What does it that word really and truly mean? I guess it relies on context, topic, meaning, and who is referring to it.

In this instance, we were engaged in a conversation about ageing and all the joys that come along with it. How we spend our youth in complete ignorance about consequences later in life. Whether it be snow skiing down moguls, water skiing across heavy wake, or playing a sport. Our bodies eventually catch up to us and what was done without a thought, now becomes a little harder to bend, walk or move around with ease.

I am guilty of this. I smashed my body with sport and everyday things where I just did not think of future effects. I had taken it for granted and now I am conscious about body maintenance and mindful of my movements to live a longer life.

The old saying ‘youth is wasted on the young’ rings true sometimes. Particularly for those who have only woken up and realised that life is about living and we are trying to cram as much of it in as possible. Growing up in a church (cult) where we spent pretty much majority of our lives, I did not experience much of the outside world. Things as simple as traveling overseas, taking road trips with friends, dancing the night away etc.

I don’t regret my life because it has made me who I am today, however I do sometimes ponder how I would be different if I hadn’t grown up in a cult. I guess my core values would be the same and I would ideally still be me, but I would have lived a little more, experienced more and not been as naïve as I was.

I was privileged to grow up with my brothers and surrounded by my cousins, aunts and uncles – until mum passed away. I was privileged to find my husband in my youth and have my children young. I am very privileged to be able to age where my mum unfortunately hasn’t. I have had to work hard to alter how I see ageing which has been made easier when I think of how old my mum was when she died. As an eight-year-old, I thought 32 was mega and it wasn’t until I turned 32 that I realised, man oh man, my mumma was young when she left earth. What a gut punch that was!

I then changed my thinking. Instead of looking into the mirror and seeing all the ways my body was letting me down, I started to thank her for being there for me and apologised for causing her grief (late nights, poor eating habits, lack of exercise, holding trauma/stress). We are our choices after all and a basic ’cause and effect’ experience.

I decided to change my perspective about ageing and shift it from ‘ugh im getting old, soft and wrinkly’ to ‘wow, I get to experience more in life’. And let me tell you… it makes you appreciate everything so much more. When I see an extra line appear, I thank my body for keeping me alive and working with me. When I catch my jowls in the mirror, I no longer feel sad or grossed out about it because my mum never got to experience this. She will forever always be 32, completely frozen in time.

I do struggle sometimes to remember to be grateful about ageing, because as a woman, it is bloody hard. It takes time to move your thinking into a different gear. I continually work on this. Each time I look in the mirror or catch my reflection anywhere or when I am scrolling on social media.

It is a privilege, not a punishment to age when there are so many do not get that opportunity. To grow old is an honour and I will forever remind myself that my mum would have given her left leg to experience another day.  

I am very thankful I have another day on this beautiful earth.

kat x